Confessions of a Bitter Mary Sue

So.. right. I had my moment of wtfery. Nearly got killed. Was rescued by True Blue. Went to a hospital. Got patched up and put on pain meds.. and then while influenced by happy pills I kind of let loose with the Lacey Crazy. (Yes I have my own brand.) But.. um.. he seemed to like it. But um.. yeah.. I'll get into more about that another time.. but I will say this much... I kind of wish I had more happy pills. I mean, when else will I have the guts to pin him in a hospital bed?

Let's talk about the aftermath. Well, I got home.. My mother was waiting for me. Now see, this isn't unusual or a bad thing. However, this now meant I had to explain my condition. So what did I do? I lied my ass off. I said I fell off the roof. (That was true! It just wasn't my roof.) There were questions about who took me to the doctor.. then questions about who said person was. Suffice to say, now my mother thinks I have a secret boyfriend.

Meanwhile, I got a text from Silence. All it said was, "Oops. My bad." So I think the whole trauma thing was her fault. That or it has something to do with work. I.. I don't know.

But here's the kicker of it all. I flipped through channels on my tv. I ended up on one of the news networks. Not impressive or anything.. until a story came on. A story about Lex Luthor. As if her were real. Which he isn't. So then I thought, it has to be big viral campaign or something. Right? Wrong. How do I know this?

Because the next morning I had a copy of the Daily Planet in my newspaper box. There was a Metropolis listed in my encyclopedias. There was mentions of Superman saving.. well, I don't know what. All I know is it was Superman. Hello? It was live on my tv and it wasn't a freaking movie.

Did I mention the fact that MY FREAKING HOUSE IS NOW IN METROPOLIS?

What is my life?

Psycho killer on the loose.
Not sure who/what.
Lots of dead people.
Still surviving.
Wish I had some gummi bears.
No idea where I'm at yet.
Did I mention the dead people?

When you wake up and don't know where you are, it's usually a bad sign.
When you're me, it tends to be not exactly normal, but not overly unusual.
Waking up in the middle of a dark wooded area and alone isn't a first for me either.
Finding a mutilated body not far from me however is.
And hey, funny, how I can use my phone to update this, but not be able to call out. Stupid Mary-Sue bullshit. Or maybe it's Nexus bullshit. Who knows? Who cares?
Crap. I think I heard something.

Or at least the job aspect. I think I may be cursed. The first job I ever got was some babysitting gigs when I was thirteen. Back then I was dreaming of being like the girls in those Babysitters Club books. Yeah, I know. Lacey as a babysitter? Shock. Lacey as a nice girl? Yeah.. let's not discuss that.
Anyway, my babysitting career ended by the time I was sixteen when one of grandparents of a kid watched decided to make really disgusting innuendos to me. While I'm pretty sure it was due to senility, it was still disgusting and I unceremoniously retired.

Besides, then I got the job at the place of evil, the den of hell. Pizza Hut. I worked there until I graduated. And when I moved out of town, I just got a job at another one. You probably think, "Oh, it couldn't be that bad." When you have to deal with the little mind games the shitty management pulls, trust me. It is. So why did I put up with it? I have no idea. Easier than looking for something new? Bills to be paid? Excuses excuses. Either way, I finally quit after my life as a Mary-Sue started. I just couldn't handle the stress of of it all.

Then I got this job offer to work over in the Lunatic Cafe. From who? Oh, that Sil chick. The goddess thing. Anyway, the pay was too good to pass up and I'd get to be in power. (Ok, I was just management. Same diff.) Sure, I'd wait tables too on the side, but that was doable. I didn't have to cook and I could boss people around. It was perfect. Except it wasn't. Now instead of the usual people I'd deal with back home, I was now open to dealing with the multiverse. I've seen pretty much everything now and because of the cafe, I pretty much refuse to go wandering any of the other nexuses I know about. (Sages, Dear Multiverse.. That stuff.) I'm traumatized I tell you.

Oh sure, there were some good things. (I got to meet some of my favorite characters from things I grew up on. Like 21 Jump Street. What? Shut up.) And uh.. I met Superman... But we won't get into that. We won't. Why? Because I'm talking about the negatives here!

The other day I was working the cafe and there was this trio of drunks. One of which was Susan Imp, a chick who looked like the girl from Kill Bill (the Japanese girl with the ball and chain), and a dead ringer for my Clark. They were getting completely out of control and I'm pretty sure the short one was going to die of alcohol poisoning if they kept it up. So I cut them off from the bar. The Clark look-a-like even tried to act all wounded and get more booze. Yeah. Right. Like I'd fall for that. He was a freaking weeble wobble. Half the time these people couldn't stay on their feet!

If I suddenly start associating Clark to the human weeble wobble and his friends, I'm going to find that guy and beat the shit out of him. I'm just saying. It'll be his fault.

Yeah, this was really of no importance but I'm bored and I decided to think. This is what you get.