Confessions of a Bitter Mary Sue

I eventually did get home, for the record. And weirdly the next day my I.D was altered to my new address. A bit late, no?

But that was neither here nor there anymore. You see, I was bored again. Oh sure, I could have gone to work, but no. I wanted to explore more. I wanted to.. I wanted to bother Clark. So maybe that was how I ended up at the Daily Planet. I went inside, flashed a bit of psychic paper one of the girls at work had given me for Christmas and was crammed into the elevator with the usual Daily Planet suckers.

When I was finally free of the confines of the squished workforce, I had to admit I was a bit in awe of the bullpen Clark got to work in. It was loud, busy, full of people, and did I mention loud? I walked slowly, taking it all in. It was pretty impressive. I felt a tiny twinge of jealousy for the people that got to work here. But it quickly faded when I reminded myself that I was far too lazy to ever be a reporter. Tracking down a lead? A source? Psh. No thanks. I could use that time to run people over in Saints Row 2.

I finally found Clark's desk, and don't ask how I knew, I just did. He wasn't there. My guess was that he was doing something important. Saving the world, doing a story, watching porn. Ok, so he probably wasn't watching porn. But that made for an amusing mental image. I spun around a few times in his chair, but soon that novelty wore off. With a sigh I moved from chair to desk and pulled out my Nintendo DS.

"Who are you?" The voice was stern and just a bit annoyed. I looked up from my game and found Lois Lane staring at me with a scowl. "What are you doing at Clark's desk?"

"I'm the lap dance Clark won online." I said with a faux smile. "It's amazing how some of those spam emails are actually legit. So is he here? Because I've had a long hard day and my bendyness is starting to wear thin. He's not going to notice if I'm not really into it is he? I mean, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with him, but my other appointments were such a bitch today. I didn't get nearly enough tips for the ass grabs..."

Lois stared at me in confusion, or maybe it was horror. I'm not entirely sure. So I just sat there and smiled innocently. Maybe this was a good day!

Ipod? Check. Camera? Check. Phone? Check. Money? Check. Common sense? ...Not so check. Keys? Check!
It would seem I was ready to go. Since I was going to be displaced in Metropolis, for whatever the fuck reason, I figured it was best to go and actually check it out. At least I had my house.. Right? So I walked out my front door, yes I locked it, and headed down the street. My house was on a simple little housing street. Nothing too impressive or too anything. It was mediocre, like me. But there were a few kids playing in their small yards and it seemed pleasant enough. Yeah, I was walking, but I figured the best way to do this was to walk. I could use the exercise and frankly I did not feel like driving. Funnily enough I think it was really because I trusted my reflexes on foot more than behind a wheel. Go figure.

I turned a corner and was immediately stuck by the sight of two hundred year old buildings, brownstones, apartments, and corner markets. Apparently my little block of Metropolis was a hidden little neighborhood of sorts, crushed by the surrounding city so to speak. Not a bad thing really. It would make an interesting view from the widows at least. Admittedly I'd never actually lived in a city like this before. Despite being a state capital, Jefferson City really was not that ohmygod impressive. Then again, nothing in Missouri was. Suffice to say, I was a little in awe as I explored. People were just moving everywhere and I was pretty sure everyone was hopped up on caffeine. Of course that thought made me thirsty and I suddenly wanted a mocha. Fuck.

A mocha later (hey, there was a well placed coffee shop near by) I was back to the sidewalk. I tried to avoid the newsstands, if only because they always had a Superman story they were talking about. And hey, it wasn't as if I wanted to avoid Superman. I just.. I hadn't let that part sink in yet. Shit, I had a lot that needed to sink in. I'd better figure it all out soon or else I was going to go insane. I thought about it a bit as I wandered. I snapped a few pictures, took a few numbers of the take out restaurants I'd passed, took a few breaks to rest my heels, and made note of where the stores I would need and want were at.

Before I knew it, I realized that I'd spent the entire day exploring the city and I still wasn't done. Crap. I was going to be at it for days at this rate. On the plus side, I'd located Centennial Park (Metropolis's version of Central Park) and even taken a look at the statue they had of Superman. Something about a meteor shower before he left and stuff. I was only vaguely paying attention considering I think that a statue is bit cheesy when the guy was alive and not dead. Sure, they'd built it when he was gone but still.. Come on. I wanted to scream at these people to stop with the savior crap. No one can live up to the pedestal and expectations most people put on the guy. I mean geez. If he weren't the ultimate boyscout, I'd place bets on when he'd snap under pressure.

I sat down on a bench, paying no real attention to where I was anymore. Ugh. I needed a break, you know? My stomach growled. Oops. Guess I needed dinner too. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and all that had been was a bowl of Special K Red. Good stuff, but I probably should have eaten lunch. Relying on mochas and water all day wasn't a good thing. I leaned back on the bench and stared at the sky. It was dusk now. Sigh. I really had let time fly. Crap. I was going to have to make my way home in the dark. I guess I could splurge on a cab... "Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me." I muttered as something dawned on me... I couldn't remember my address. I sat up straighter and pulled out my I.D, hopefully it would be on there, right?

WRONG. According to my driver's license, I still lived in Missouri. "Oh for fuck's sake!" I cursed and then wished for a wall to bang my head on. Who the hell displaces and moves someone via extreme methods but doesn't bother to at least change the little details like the address on said person's I.D? Oh, I know who. A freaking psycho goddess that cosigns her name on my paycheck. "Fucking son of a bitch." I was a complete idiot. I really would have to walk back, since it was the only way to retrace my steps.

I stared back up at the sky, "You really suck, you know that?" I shouted. My little tantrum was toward Silence, but I seriously doubted she'd hear me. She was probably laughing her ass off. Freaking bitch. I sure as fuck better get a raise for putting up with this shit.

Game over, man. Forgot the save point. Hit the reset button please.

So.. right. I had my moment of wtfery. Nearly got killed. Was rescued by True Blue. Went to a hospital. Got patched up and put on pain meds.. and then while influenced by happy pills I kind of let loose with the Lacey Crazy. (Yes I have my own brand.) But.. um.. he seemed to like it. But um.. yeah.. I'll get into more about that another time.. but I will say this much... I kind of wish I had more happy pills. I mean, when else will I have the guts to pin him in a hospital bed?

Let's talk about the aftermath. Well, I got home.. My mother was waiting for me. Now see, this isn't unusual or a bad thing. However, this now meant I had to explain my condition. So what did I do? I lied my ass off. I said I fell off the roof. (That was true! It just wasn't my roof.) There were questions about who took me to the doctor.. then questions about who said person was. Suffice to say, now my mother thinks I have a secret boyfriend.

Meanwhile, I got a text from Silence. All it said was, "Oops. My bad." So I think the whole trauma thing was her fault. That or it has something to do with work. I.. I don't know.

But here's the kicker of it all. I flipped through channels on my tv. I ended up on one of the news networks. Not impressive or anything.. until a story came on. A story about Lex Luthor. As if her were real. Which he isn't. So then I thought, it has to be big viral campaign or something. Right? Wrong. How do I know this?

Because the next morning I had a copy of the Daily Planet in my newspaper box. There was a Metropolis listed in my encyclopedias. There was mentions of Superman saving.. well, I don't know what. All I know is it was Superman. Hello? It was live on my tv and it wasn't a freaking movie.

Did I mention the fact that MY FREAKING HOUSE IS NOW IN METROPOLIS?

What is my life?

Lacey was not centered. She was not in her happy place.
Oh no, she was just in a wooded area surrounding a group of cabins that had long since fallen past the state of disrepair. When she had first spotted the cabins her thoughts had immediately turned to Friday the 13th, but thankfully this seemed like less of a summer camp and merely more of a rundown forest retreat. Lacey was hoping that she wasn't a Mary-Sue in a Friday the 13th movie. She was pretty sure that if she was, she'd be a goner. Not because she couldn't do anything, but because it was always the sweet innocent virgin type girl who survived.

Lacey Voorhees was not sweet. And she was certainly not innocent. In other words, she was fucked and not in a hot and kinky kind of way.

She was currently on top of a roof of a cabin, trying to get a good look around. With only the moon as her light source it was a challenge to say the least. She was hating this. She'd already come across several bodies, victims of whatever nutjob was slaughtering people here. Most were hacked up but she had found one death by bludgeoning. It ad not been a pleasant sight. If she weren't her, she'd probably have lost her lunch at some point. Thankfully she was able to control herself.

Lacey stilled instantly. Had she heard something? She didn't see anything, but that meant nothing. The woman barely breathed as she tried to listen to her surroundings. She heard a slight creak for her efforts. It was somewhere in the cabin below. It had-

Creak.

No, it was- Lacey turned her head and found herself staring at a pair worn out work boots. She swallowed and immediately rolled to the side just as an ax slammed into the spot she'd been laying. Unfortunately, she hadn't timed her roll quite right and she ended up falling off the roof and onto the damp grass below. She groaned but silently thanked god (or whoever was watching) for not being on top of a really tall building. Lacey scrambled to her feet, wincing in pain. She was bruised but not broken and so she started to run just as she heard the thud of the resident psycho's feet hitting the ground.

She didn't bother heading for any of the other cabins, knowing she could be cornered if she tried to hide again. She needed open ground. She needed a weapon. She needed-

-To scream, because an arm suddenly wrapped itself around her. Lacey struggled, only to be thrown aside like a rag doll over a rocky hill. She couldn't keep from crying out as she tumbled down the hillside.

The last thing she felt was a sharp pain as she hit bottom. And then...

Nothing.